by Toni Hearn

How many times have you argued with a friend when they compliment you?

“Wow you look amazing!”

“Oh no, I look terrible!”

“Damn girl look at your abs!”

“No, I don’t have abs, I’ve been eating terribly lately”


Have you posted a pole pic/video, captioned with something like “super messy and needs work but look at this new move I tried tonight”? Do you realise that you’re not only belittling the accomplishment you are obviously proud of (otherwise you wouldn’t have posted it to begin with) but also helping everyone watching search for your flaws instead of your strengths?


Why do we feel the need to bring ourselves down like this? Do we genuinely think these negative things? Maybe we are so scared that someone else will point out the flaws that we feel we have to beat them to it? Or is it something bigger than us? Is it socially acceptable for us, as strong, modern (cringe) women to own the fact that we rock at something and are confident in our abilities?



I think traditionally women have been expected to be humble, quiet, respectful creatures at all costs, and while I agree, humility and respect are valuable and crucial parts of life – and extremely attractive elements of anyone’s personality – I wonder why this has to come at the expense of confidence and strength? Can we not have all of these traits in healthy, equal measures?


Why don’t we post a video of our new favourite combo with a caption like “Hell yes! Just nailed this new combo! Felt amazing in the moment and I can’t wait to keep working at it!” and have everyone back us up with supportive comments? Why do we see compliments as cause for suspicion or embarrassment? If someone says your abs look hot, thank them! Your butt is looking amazing, say thanks and share your secrets with them!


toni-6The world will do a good enough job of trying to tear us down for no real reason, trying to take away the hard earned strength, resilience and confidence we all struggle with from time to time, so don’t add to it. Own your strengths! Celebrate every single win or success, no matter how big or small. Shout from the roof top how bloody proud you are that you just managed something new and watch that positivity come flooding back at you.


Let’s practice!


Hey you, reading right now… That video you just posted was amazing and you should be super proud of your progress! Your hair is absolutely rocking today and I’m loving that colour on you!


Now, how will you respond?


About the Author



Toni is a pole lover in her third year of training, and 12 months into the roller coaster life of a pole instructor. She loves teaching the foundations of pole, creating safe, strong technique, and most importantly seeing her students come into their own as they progress through their pole journeys.

With a Bachelor of Communication under her belt, Toni always strived to be a print journalist; that is until she found pole. Pole flipped her life on it’s head, completely shocked her loved ones and changed her in all the right ways (who doesn’t love new muscles?)!

Now when she’s not teaching she spends her time plotting routines she’ll never have time to actually perform, chatting to the studio puppy (and yes, he answers), working on her side business, Pole Log and daydreaming about all the sparkly shoes!!!