Welcome to The Spice with Chilli Rox – our official advice corner from the sassiest seductress in the pole world. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Chilli, send it in an email to:


Why doesn't he want to have sex?
Why doesn’t he want to have sex?


Dear Chilli,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and in that time I have supported him through an addiction. I always thought the reason for his low sex drive was due to his drug addiction but even now that he is sober, he still doesn’t seem to want to have sex with me. I’ve tried everything to try and make things interesting and entice him but he always has an excuse.

Last week I bought some very basic toys (handcuffs and a whip) but when I showed them to me he laughed at me and said it was stupid. I was so upset and frustrated at how closed minded he is. I feel like I’ve tried everything and I don’t know what else to do. I just want to feel like my boyfriend is attracted to me. What should I do?



Dear Unfulfilled,

You need to work out whether this man can make you happy long term or not. I understand you have invested a lot of time into helping him gain control of his addiction so letting go would be really hard, but unfortunately sometimes when the problem is fixed you realise that your behavioral patterns were all you had in common. I hope you can work it out, but you need to look after yourself now.

Talk to him. Tell him what you want and what you need. Hopefully things will improve, but if they don’t you will have to work out how much you’re willing to sacrifice for this man. We only have one shot at life and we deserve to be happy.

Good luck,

Love Chilli xx


I'm worried for the safety of my students
I’m worried for the safety of my students

Hi Chilli,

I’m a pole teacher and after reading some articles recently about pole safety I’m growing more concerned about a couple of my students. They are friends but in different advanced levels, one of them has a gymnastics background and a small frame so is very quick to learn new skills.

They are both extremely keen and they practice with each other outside of class time but I know the gymnast is teaching her friend some higher level moves. This concerns me because I can see in the results (videos) a lack of understanding of safety in the teaching and I’m worried their enthusiasm is going to result in injury. They are doing this outside of class time so it’s not really my place to say, or is it? How would you handle this Chilli?

Safety First


Dear Safety First,

I would put loads of signs around the studio saying please don’t teach during practice times. Practice time is for practicing and perfecting the moves being taught by your qualified instructor during class times. Also, make the instructors give a little talk about safety and injuries before class. If they think they will be held responsible for any injuries they may think twice.

Good luck,

Love Chilli X


I barely ever see my boyfriend....
I barely ever see my boyfriend….

Dear Chilli,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and it’s been going great. The only problem is we only see each other twice a week because our work hours are opposite and we live forty five minutes away from each other so our time together is limited. We both wish we could spend more time together.

Do you think moving in together is a good solution to this? We’ve never spoken about it so I wouldn’t even know how to bring it up! Help me, Chilli!

Not Loving the Distance



Dear Not Loving the Distance,

I think after two years together you are safe to bring up the topic of moving in together. Talk to him, tell him you miss him and see what he says. Plant the seed and let him think about it. Don’t be upset if he isn’t keen straight away – we all move at a different pace, but definitely tell him you like the idea of seeing his face everyday. Let me know how it goes!

Love Chilli xx



Send your questions to – if you are published you will win free access to Polesphere for a month! All questions are confidential.