Welcome to The Spice with Chilli Rox – our official advice corner from the sassiest seductress in the pole world. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Chilli, send it in an email to:
My boyfriend and I have recently moved in together which is great and he always insists on helping me cook dinner and doing half the housework and everything which is great! The only problem is that I have lived on my own for so long I have particular ways I like things done. I guess you would call me a control freak.
It really bugs me when he cuts the vegetables up the wrong way or hangs the washing up wrong. It makes me really eye twitchy irritable. I’m trying really hard not to flip out because I don’t want to discourage him from helping around the house. Is there a way I can politely tell him to do stuff my way or should I just suck it up and try to get over it?
Out of Control
Dear Out of Control,
Omg you are the luckiest human alive!!! Suck it up haha! I know it’s not as easy as that but seriously I would love somebody to hang my washing out and is there really a wrong way?
Hmmm are there any jobs you hate doing? Like could you make him a deal, like “Hey babe I’ll do all the washing and cooking this week if you take out the garbage?”. He would probably be stoked (I know I would be). Give it a little bit more time and try not to lose your cool, chances are he’s on his best behavior because the living together is new. Maybe he will stop being great soon! 🙂
If you really can’t suck it up (and that’s totally okay btw) just tell him. Tell him how you told me, say “I’ve been on my own a long time, I’m set in my ways. Is it okay if we do it my way?”. He will probably think it’s endearing, I mean, if he’s moved in he already really likes you!
Love Chilli xx
I have been poling for a relatively short time. I find that I am really struggling to find the inner me. I strive to be the best I possibly can but something is holding me back from truly expressing myself. People often tell me to go for it but I can’t seem to take the leap I need.
Dear Seriously Confused,
It will happen. One day you will find a song that you lose yourself in and you will stop thinking and just dance. You say that you have been poling for a short time, so don’t be in a hurry! Everything gets better and easier with time – the moves, the execution, the inhibitions etc. Keep training, keep learning and do things your way. In your time, on your terms, try to dance more and think less (I should take my own advice on this one).
Love Chilli xx
I am an elite level poler, but I’m struggling with my own motivation and I think it’s preventing me from getting to the next level. Frankly, I would prefer to sit on my ass eating ice-cream and watching The Bachelorette than go out after work and do extra training. I manage to train about twice each week and I really love it, but I just can’t seem to find it in me to do more. I know I’m stagnating because of it.
Do you have any tips on how to be more motivated?
Dear Slothful Poler,
I feel ya. Yes to ice cream and The Bachelorette haha. Training buddies are a good idea, they keep you accountable and guilt you into doing stuff! Also Instagram is pretty great.
What about putting the ice cream just out of reach so you really have to stretch for it and you increase your flexibility while you binge 🙂
If you’re at an elite level you are obviously a highly motivated individual already, pole is really hard! My advice is to give yourself a break. Training twice a week is more than most people are doing so you’re already impressive. Stalk Instagram and find some new inspiration, and either enter a comp or train for your next performance piece.
Choosing a theme song, costume etc for your next show definitely keeps you inspired.
Love Chilli xx
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