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Welcome to The Spice with Chilli Rox – a weekly advice corner from the sassiest seductress in the pole world. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Chilli, send it in an email to:

chillirox@auspoledancersmag.com.au

 

Can we make this work?
Can we make this work?

 

Dear Chilli,

I’m seeing a guy who’s afraid of commitment. He’s a total free spirit, impossible to pin down, yet he also claims to be head over heels in love with me. It’s hard to figure him out. He is totally not possessive, says I can see other people if I want and doesn’t want to own me, but also ‘worships the ground I walk on’ apparently. And he’s just… brilliant in every other way.

Should I stick it out, or am I devaluing myself by staying? I don’t want to believe I can change him. In fact, I love all aspects of his personality. It’s just what he’s closed off to, I feel is putting a cap on our relationship. I’ve mentioned these things to him already and he always says he’s ‘open’ to commitment but still not there yet. I just don’t know what to do! do i deserve better?

Dating Dilemmas

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Dear Dating Dilemmas,

 

To me the most important thing in a relationship is honesty. It sounds like he is completely open and honest with you, so now you have to be completely honest with yourself. Ask yourself “what do i really want?”. Do you really want a monogamous committed relationship? Or is that just an idea you grew up with? Is monogamy what you actually want, or what you think you should want?

 

If monogamy and commitment is what you want then sadly he probably isn’t the guy for you. If he makes you happy, maybe you should consider trying an open relationship with this person who is clearly ticking your boxes. You deserve to be 100% happy, so ask yourself the tough questions. Be clear with what you want and then lay it all out. If he loves you he will want to make you happy, so perhaps the two of you can make up your own rules.

 

Stay true to yourself and good luck!

 

Love Chilli xx

 

How can I find a good man?
How can I find a good man?

 

Dear Chilli,
I’m 21 and have never been in a relationship before, I’ve always felt like guys my age are immature and I haven’t want to deal with that. I’m now really tired of being alone I want that comfort, affection and FUN of being in a relationship, this has never really bothered me, however the older/mature guys don’t seem to look twice… 🙁

As for a bit of background, now I’m normally quite level headed so I decided to try and have a little “fun” with a friend of a friend. To cut the story short, it ended badly with his phone camera, no consent (to the camera), and my friends seeing more of me than what I wanted them too (Why are boys so stupid?). It’s been over a year I’m slowly regaining my faith in man kind (but let’s be real I still have trust issues) and I really want something.

Where do I even start?????? PLEASE HELP ME

Wanting More and Sick of Immaturity

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Dear Wanting More and Sick of Immaturity,

 

I’m really sorry you had that bad experience, but honestly that reflects badly on him not you. I mean, as if any sane person would want to be with a jerk like that. You hold your head up high, you did nothing wrong.

 

Have you tried any dating sites? Even tinder gives you an option to write about yourself, so you can be really honest and write that you’re looking for a relationship with a mature man… Then you can chat for a while and only meet up with the ones that you believe are on the same page as you.

 

Also, step outside your comfort zone and go somewhere and do something you have never done before. A new bar, restaurant, beach, bowling, park, trivia, speed dating, sports etc. Get out there and meet new people! Before you know it you will either meet someone awesome, or you will be having so much fun looking you will forget you even wanted a relationship 🙂

 

Good Luck,

 

Love Chilli xx

 

 

Should I go back to poling at home?
Should I go back to poling at home?

 

Dear Chilli,

I’ve spoken a couple of times about this guy I liked. Well I waited too long and now he’s very much in love with someone else. It wasn’t even that he wasn’t interested. It was that I didn’t want to be a sex worker and have a partner and I just didn’t quit soon enough. And though there are many fish in the endless sea I really feel like just giving up on the whole idea. But the truth is living on your own far from family and not getting to see your friends much can be incredibly lonely. I don’t want to turn into a hermit again.

I’m dying to get back on a pole but have injuries that are aggravated by it and I never seem to get my straddle invert. I reach an impasse there. I don’t have the money for lessons right now but i really think they would help my mood. But I’ve also discovered pole aggravates a new injury in my upper back, plus I have arthritis in one joint and bulging discs in two others. Do you think buying a pole and taking it at my own speed would be better than classes? I’ve done about 6 years on and off, but with huge breaks of 6 months at a time. I’m pretty comfortable with the basics and know how to practice correctly and I love to dance around a pole even if  I’m not pulling tricks. My doctors have said in the past it’s ok for me to pole because of the strength gained. It’s the flexibility (I’m reasonably flexible) that seems to aggravate my injuries. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Say hi to Sashie for me

Little Wonder

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Dear Little Wonder,

 

I think getting a pole set up is a great idea. I can see you listening to your favorite song and dancing any way you like just for you. Not only will it make you feel better physically, it will also make you feel better emotionally.

 

I think it’s so important to do something just for yourself and pole is perfect for feeling sexy, strong and sometimes silly. Quick, get that pole installed and I bet your social life will improve as well, people do love jumping on your pole! Go at your own pace and just enjoy it.  Have fun!
Love Chilli xx

 

WANNA ASK CHILLI ROX?

Send your questions to chillirox@auspoledancersmag.com.au – if you are published you will win free access to Polesphere for a month! All questions are confidential.

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