Welcome to The Spice with Chilli Rox – a weekly advice corner from the sassiest seductress in the pole world. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Chilli, send it in an email to:
I’m seeing a guy who’s afraid of commitment. He’s a total free spirit, impossible to pin down, yet he also claims to be head over heels in love with me. It’s hard to figure him out. He is totally not possessive, says I can see other people if I want and doesn’t want to own me, but also ‘worships the ground I walk on’ apparently. And he’s just… brilliant in every other way.
Should I stick it out, or am I devaluing myself by staying? I don’t want to believe I can change him. In fact, I love all aspects of his personality. It’s just what he’s closed off to, I feel is putting a cap on our relationship. I’ve mentioned these things to him already and he always says he’s ‘open’ to commitment but still not there yet. I just don’t know what to do! do i deserve better?
I’m 21 and have never been in a relationship before, I’ve always felt like guys my age are immature and I haven’t want to deal with that. I’m now really tired of being alone I want that comfort, affection and FUN of being in a relationship, this has never really bothered me, however the older/mature guys don’t seem to look twice… 🙁
As for a bit of background, now I’m normally quite level headed so I decided to try and have a little “fun” with a friend of a friend. To cut the story short, it ended badly with his phone camera, no consent (to the camera), and my friends seeing more of me than what I wanted them too (Why are boys so stupid?). It’s been over a year I’m slowly regaining my faith in man kind (but let’s be real I still have trust issues) and I really want something.
Where do I even start?????? PLEASE HELP ME
Wanting More and Sick of Immaturity
I’ve spoken a couple of times about this guy I liked. Well I waited too long and now he’s very much in love with someone else. It wasn’t even that he wasn’t interested. It was that I didn’t want to be a sex worker and have a partner and I just didn’t quit soon enough. And though there are many fish in the endless sea I really feel like just giving up on the whole idea. But the truth is living on your own far from family and not getting to see your friends much can be incredibly lonely. I don’t want to turn into a hermit again.
I’m dying to get back on a pole but have injuries that are aggravated by it and I never seem to get my straddle invert. I reach an impasse there. I don’t have the money for lessons right now but i really think they would help my mood. But I’ve also discovered pole aggravates a new injury in my upper back, plus I have arthritis in one joint and bulging discs in two others. Do you think buying a pole and taking it at my own speed would be better than classes? I’ve done about 6 years on and off, but with huge breaks of 6 months at a time. I’m pretty comfortable with the basics and know how to practice correctly and I love to dance around a pole even if I’m not pulling tricks. My doctors have said in the past it’s ok for me to pole because of the strength gained. It’s the flexibility (I’m reasonably flexible) that seems to aggravate my injuries. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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