Welcome to The Spice with Chilli Rox – our official advice corner from the sassiest seductress in the pole world. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Chilli, send it in an email to:
I started pole about a year or two ago. My studio owner and instructor is an amazing pole dancer and I have always looked up to her more so that anyone else for inspiration to improve myself as a dancer.
In the last 6 months or so, I noticed I started to think about her more and more outside of pole. Initially I thought the feelings were just that of admiration, and that I really looked up to her as an instructor and friend. But as time has gone on and I spend more time with her in and out of her classes I’ve begun to realise that what I feel extends beyond more than just that of a friendship. I’ve always considered myself to be straight, however now thinking about how I feel about her, I am unsure. I’ve never felt this way about another female and am not sure what that means for me or my sexuality. She’s currently in a relationship, and doubt she’d ever see me in the same way anyway. Plus she’s totally out of my league haha! I have no idea what to do from here. Any advice?
I’d probably just continue on with my fantasies at this point at least until you’re fully sure of your feelings. Having a crush on a pole instructor is a great way to stay motivated for classes so keep booking in and learn while you enjoy your visual feast!
If things keep progressing you may have to move classes or express your feelings but you need to be prepared for her to not return your feelings, it’s a risk. Make sure you are prepared for all outcomes.
Love Chilli xx
I’ve been doing pole for about three years now and I feel like I’m stagnating in the lowest advanced level. The problem is, my life is so busy that I often miss my level classes, and while I’ve been trying to do other classes to make up for it I just don’t feel like I’m getting stronger. My teachers make me to drills every time I’m there but this can average out to once/week or less and I’m frustrated that I’m not progressing, and I’m sick of being in the same level for over a year now. Do you have any advice on how I can overcome this frustration or gain enough strength to move up?
Dear Feeling Hopeless,
Commit to a few push ups and sit ups before bed every night. Make a couple of small changes, like stretching while you watch TV. Whenever you can fit something else in do it.
Take a term off pole and take up striptease or burlesque, something fun and different so you don’t get bored and before long you will see improvement.
Start talking to your class mates and teachers, I’m sure there are plenty of others who feel exactly the same way and you can help motivate each other. Good luck!
Love Chilli xx
My long term partner and I broke up at the end of last year and since then has wanted nothing to do with me. It’s been a painful process but I’ve finally come out the other end feeling better about the whole thing and am now able to accept his way of processing the breakup, even if he intends to continue having nothing to do with me forever.
Anyway, while we were together we obviously introduced our friends to each other and as such gathered a fair few mutual friends on Facebook. However my friends now have nothing to do with him and his friends have nothing to do with me, because they have nothing in common anymore. Yet we still have quite a few mutual friends on Facebook, even though he and I are not connected on Facebook.
Depending on what kind of day I’m having, this either bothers me or not. I’m not sure if I should ask my friends who still have him listed as a Facebook friend to delete him, or if people will think it’s petty. It hurts that this guy who wants nothing to do with me now, is still somewhat connected to my friends who are still in my life. I know that it’s his stubbornness in ignoring me that’s what’s making this hurt – if he was happy to remain civil and friendly I wouldn’t mind having mutual friends. What should I do? –
First World Facebook Problems
Dear First World Facebook Problems,
Try to let it go. It’s Facebook, it means nothing. Surely you have many people listed as friends who you have never met but they have a profile pic with a pole (or maybe that’s just me haha).
My point is, if the people who are in your life and important to you start meeting up with him and hanging out, then that’s different and you would be completely justified in being upset. But a Facebook friend is just a number, it’s nothing to be concerned about. Try to let it go.
Love Chilli xx
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