Welcome to The Spice with Chilli Rox – a weekly advice corner from the sassiest seductress in the pole world. If you have a burning question you would like to ask Chilli, send it in an email to:

Anyone who gets their questions published will win a free month on our AAA pass – that’s a full month of our entire E-zine library PLUS Polesphere! All questions are completely confidential.


Are we a couple?
Are we a couple?


Dear Chilli,
I’m at that awkward stage with a guy I’ve been seeing where I’m not really sure if we’re “an item” so to speak. We spend a lot of time together going out as well as sexy time. My friends keep referring to him as my “boyfriend” and I keep telling them he’s not my boyfriend. Both of us made it pretty clear that we weren’t looking for a relationship and in my mind we haven’t put a label on it so I reserve the right to see other men should I wish. How can I bring this up to him without being awkward or making a big deal out of it?


Exclusively single


Dear Exclusively Single,
I don’t think you need to bring it up, I just think you should enjoy it. Sounds like you have a really great connection in and out of the bedroom, so unless YOU want the relationship status to change or you feel like it’s going down a path you don’t want it to my advice is just enjoy it. Only bring it up if and when you want to make a change
Love Chilli xx


Why can't I get off with a partner?
Why can’t I get off with a partner?


Dear Chilli,
I have this really embarrassing problem where I can only get my rocks off on my own. Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has seen it as a ‘challenge’ to be the first to make me feel the same as when I do on my own, but to no avail. I’ve tried explaining everything to them, but it’s just never the same as when I do it myself. What do I do?

Horny Loner


Dear Horny Loner,
Hmmm you say guys see it as a challenge and want to be the 1st to make you feel the way you do when you’re alone. Think about the pressure of that! How soon are you telling them this
information? If it’s straight away you will definitely not get
the best out of your partners. All they will be thinking about is
trying to make you cum, focusing on the end result, and not enjoying the experience as it’s happening. It’s too much pressure for you both!

The reason why it feels so good on your own is because you’re
alone! There’s no judgement, you don’t care how you look, you don’t care how loud you are, or how long it takes. You’re completely free! When there’s a partner involved, especially the first time you sleep with someone, it’s hard to fully let go cos your mind is racing… Does he like my naked body? Am I too loud? Are my boobs big enough? Blah blah blah, all the superficial stuff. Chances are your partner’s mind is racing too, so there is enough going on without adding more pressure. The last thing you wanna do is take the fun and pleasure out of sex and turn it into work!

My advice is, save that conversation for when you’re in a trusting relationship 🙂 In the meantime, keep exploring different sexual positions and concentrate on letting go of any expectations during sex. Enjoy the intimacy, the kissing, the touching (sometimes that’s way better than an orgasm). I’m a big fan of a good self love session so keep it up, but nothing compares to human touch with a partner. Take the focus off the orgasm and you will be having awesome sex in no time.
Love Chilli xx


gay or straight


Dear Chilli,
I’ve been dating a guy for a few months who for the most part seems sweet and has good intentions, but I can’t shake this weird feeling he sometimes gives me. Occasionally he’ll cock his hips in a very feminine manner, or make a comment about my contouring or fashion, and he himself dresses quite metrosexual, which of course there’s nothing wrong with, but it does add up. I once asked him about it, asking if maybe he was also attracted to men, to which he replied he’s straight, although that’s only because he hasn’t found a guy he ‘likes the look of yet’ – what is that supposed to mean?

I’m just not sure what to think Chilli! Even when I asked him, he didn’t seem bothered at all and just calmly replied. Is the problem with my mindset, am I too close minded, or is there something else going on here? Sometimes I feel like he’d rather BE me than BE WITH me, you know what I’m saying?




Dear Fearful,
If he’s getting it up he’s into you! And I’d like to think if he
had any doubts about his sexuality he’d be comfortable enough to
discuss it or explore it. So you’re going to have to trust that he’s
straight. However, he is obviously not a real macho type and maybe that’s what you are used to? Or could be what you need 🙂

Hang in there a little longer, you will figure out if you can handle his feminine side. Did you ever see the episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte went on a date with a guy she thought was gay and then he kissed her passionately and she was completely shocked? Your situation reminds me of that 🙂

It’s still early days in the relationship, you say he’s sweet so give him a chance! If his femininity makes you too uncomfortable maybe he’s not the one for you. Good luck!
Love Chilli xx



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