What is the Perfect Kiss?
We see others kiss around us all the time. In movies, television shows and advertising, on the streets and in our houses. But does your kissing experience live up to the romanticised ideal that lives in your mind? Have you ever had “The Perfect Kiss”?
First of all, I believe the term “perfect” implies that an experience has reached its absolute zenith, and cannot be surpassed – only matched. Like an Olympic Gymnastics Judging panel, I find it very difficult to give any kiss a “10 out of 10” rating – as you never know what further inconceivable enhancements lay beyond in your future kissing partners.
However, I have attempted to summarise the top 5 elements that I believe are essential in laying the groundwork for what may be considered “The Perfect Kiss”, regardless if that is “perfect” for its time, or “perfect” for all time.
The beauty of physical attraction (no pun intended) is that your kissing partner doesn’t have to be an Adonis, or a Supermodel for you to think they are the hottest thing since Bikram Yoga.
No kiss can be termed “perfect” if your partners breath smells like a garbage dump or if you can’t stop sneezing because they have drowned themselves in cologne or perfume.
There have been a number of interesting studies carried out in regards to the sense of smell determining mate compatibility. It has been demonstrated that two people with immune systems having a similar structure, will be less likely to have a physical attraction than two people whose immune systems have a diverse structure. In theory, this is because a mate with a similar immune system to your own will provide you with offspring with a weaker natural immunity, thereby suggesting that the sense of smell in mate selection comes from a deep survival instinct.
Whatever the reason, whether you are conscious of it or not, a pleasurable smell will be an essential ingredient to “The Perfect Kiss”.
Tip: You may not be able to control your immune system structure, but you can make sure you brush, floss, have a shower and wear clean clothes if you have a feeling you might get lucky!
What each of us like and consider “perfect”, is as individual as our personalities. However, the following are a few guidelines to bear in mind if you are trying to refine your kissing abilities. There are many sites online that will teach you how to kiss, the following ideas are just starting points but I feel they are key ingredients to creating “The Perfect Kiss”.
SOFT VS. HARD
While some people prefer a soft, tender approach, others like it a little rough and raunchy. Most people enjoy a continuum of alternation somewhere between the two extremes. Try and become proficient in both the softer and harder variety of smooches – there is always such a thing as TOO hard or TOO soft, so find a willing partner and experiment! Learn to read the body language – if you press harder and they are pulling back they are telling you nonverbally that it’s too much! Retreat a little with your force until they come to you, and gauge the balance point from there. This is kissing equilibrium. Once you have found it, you will get a good idea how far along the hard/soft see-saw they like to traverse.
A KICK IN THE TEETH
I know it sounds like a no brainer, but some people are so eager to get into the action that they forget about sheathing the weapons in their mouths. Although teeth can be used skillfully, mostly they are unwelcome guests in the kissing process. People who enjoy a toothy kiss are a very niche market.
The way to avoid a tooth wrestle is by using the lips – “puckering”, or creating a buffer zone between the lips and the teeth, this will generally ensure the choppers won’t join in the party.
WHAT’S YOUR HANDIWORK?
Your hands are like the picture frame around a work of art. A mismatch of styles will distract from the piece and leave your partner feeling strangely unsatisfied. Get your cues for hand involvement from the body language – generally the style will fall naturally in line with the softer or harder pressure cues going on with the lips.
Softer kisses call for gentle stroking at the neck, over the back or down the side of the face. You may want to lightly squeeze the shoulders or the tops of the arms and run your fingers down the arms to play with their hands. And so on.
However, passionate, firm kissing calls for some stronger body sensations. Hands pressing a little deeper into the body. Fingers running into the scalp and squeezing or pulling the hair – gently enough not to hurt, but firmly enough so they know that you are there.
Tip: Lick your lips before a kiss – warm and wet kisses are much nicer than rough and dry ones!
A kiss can be great without the element of anticipation, but it could never be “The Perfect Kiss”. We humans have not mastered the art of fully appreciating something unless we are forced to work for it. Think of how much better a delicious meal is when you are ravenously hungry. Or how fantastic it is to take off your shoes after a hard day on your feet, having spent hours longing for that luscious moment when finally you can collapse into your chair.
Hollywood also knows this, and any great screen kiss will inevitably follow a process of building the anticipation of the audience. When finally the moment comes when the two protagonists fall into each others’ arms, collectively we experience the thrill of a certain climax.
Similarly, if you experience an unrequited yearning for the object of your affection, over weeks or months (or even years!), when finally that moment arrives where you may consummate your desire, the kiss will come like an oasis in the desert for the vastly dehydrated and weary traveler. This is an experience which takes something great, and makes it sublime.
Everyone has a different idea of the definition of love. I don’t claim to be correct, as my opinion on this matter is conjecture equal to all other opinions. I use the term love relatively loosely here, to sit on a spectrum between “intense like” or even “infatuation” and a profound level of loving appreciation.
However, to create “The Perfect Kiss”, I believe the final key ingredient is a deeper level of loving feeling between the two Kissers. It is like the icing on the cake, when the other aspects of this equation are in alignment, love wraps them up in an all encompassing bundle of divine passion and exalts them.
About the Author
Ally is a restless entrepreneur and passionate creative with a Piscean idealism and an aversion to authority. Having practiced as a Naturopath and Massage Therapist for 6 years, she abandoned clinic work in 2014 to spend more time doing what she loved most: working with her pole family at Bottoms Up! and teaching 80’s dance fitness under her own creation RAD Fitness.
It didn’t take long before her creative juices led her to conjure up Pandemonium Events, and under this brand she produced and co-ordinated eight pole, aerial and variety performance nights in the space of 18 months.
Besides teaching and producing, Ally loves being on stage. She competed in the Victorian Pole Championships in 2013 and then again in 2015 where she won the Amateur division and went on to compete in the national finals. She also joined Jane and their Bottoms Up! family in a Rocky Horror group performance at Encore 2016.
Having toyed with the idea of starting a pole magazine herself in 2011, Ally watched the growth of Australian Pole Dancers Magazine with much interest, contributing articles to the publication before formally becoming a partner in November 2015. She loves being part of APDM as she feels it is something that the entire pole community can use as a means of connecting with one another, learning from one another and growing together.